I think the hardest part of experiencing such issues for me is that I have this argument in my head and continue to think of the incident long after the perpetrator has moved on. Was that guy racist? Or was he just having a bad day and cranky/rude to everyone? But he treated that white woman right after me so nicely. Maybe it’s not in my head.

She was even a bit abrupt/curt with him so maybe he didn’t think he could get away with being rude to her? Did he think he could get away with being rude and dismissive with me because he thinks Asian women are timid and deferential?

What would have happened if I had a more domineering personality and projected an “I won’t take any of your crap” attitude? Would I have been treated better?

On and on it goes in my head. I honestly don’t know how to stop it and avoid agonizing (and wasting my time thinking about a stranger’s asshole behavior).

It has helped to be trapped at home this past year and not interact with anyone IRL. Is that how we reduce subtle and overt acts of racism? We all just stay home?

Thanks for writing this and sharing your experience.

9X Top Writer. Proud grad of CA public schools. Committed to justice & leadership development. Wife & mom of 2 girls & 2 big dogs. Love to eat almost everything