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My Traditional Mom Tried to Hold Me Back: “Don’t Be So Capable”
There really are men who don’t like strong, smart women.
Growing up, I fit the eldest child/Type A stereotype. I got stuff done. Teachers liked me because I always did my homework, volunteered to lead projects, and made sure all my responsibilities were met. I started to get awards for academic achievement and earned some recognition.
As I grew older, my mom started to tell me, “Don’t be so capable.” I replied, “What? Why not?” It was totally unexpected advice, as I thought the goal was to always do the best you can.
Ma said that she didn’t want me to outshine the men. She warned that some men don’t like confident, smart, and capable women who can do everything on their own. Ma wanted me to find someone to take care of me, so I wouldn’t have to work hard all the time. She said that men want to be needed and feel like the hero.
If I called home and bragged about how I assembled an IKEA bookcase on my own, Ma would reply, “Anna, don’t be so capable.” She continued to worry I would never find someone if I didn’t hold back a little. She wanted me to consider playing a less aggressive and less capable role.
I was proud of my ability to get things done and figure out how to solve my own problems. I…
