Yes, I agree that my "quiet" voice is more about being a conscientious partner, rather than a deferential wife. I know he isn't asking me to be quiet because it's a "woman's place" to be quiet but because he's unaccustomed and uncomfortable with the loud, lively conversational style I grew up with.
I wonder if he might have a sensory issue, too. He hates when people smack their lips when chewing gum, bite their fork when eating, etc. Although he doesn't complain that it's because of the noise--he just thinks this kind of behavior is rude. But could it be that he's hyper sensitive to such noises? Interesting!